I have never felt so alone in my entire life

like I feel right now.

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/soooj

prove me wrong.

hmm break.
i hope it's a break from EVERYTHING. i'm gonna make it like that.
i think
i'm drifting away..but the thing is.. i'm not trying to stop it anymore.
the scariest thing for me is being alone... but now it seems... i don't care whether i'm alone or if i'm not. i can't differentiate from a friend or an acquaintance anymore...
when facebook asked who made me laugh the most.. i couldn't answer... no one popped into mind.
whenever i got on facebook, aim, anything... i couldn't help but wish that i could be notified because someone was starting a conversation with me.
maybe i don't have a life. maybe i do work too hard. but i really hope that whoever i call a friend understands me.
i don't want an half-assed remark telling me that i'm a workaholic and i need to chill and i'm just an asshole.
thanks, already knew that. I am an asshole. I really don't give a crap anymore. but i wish someone could just PROVE ME wrong... just this once.
i feel like everything's changed. everything's messed up. i can't live up to people's expectations... could ANYONE prove me wrong?
i feel like i'm drifting away, even from the best of friends. i'm getting so tired of everything... so quickly. i wake up and put on a smile.. but don't know for who anymore. i feel like i laugh at my own jokes and laugh to cover up how lonely i feel. BULLSHIT when someone tells me there's always a friend that's going to be there for me. they can't even tell if i'm feeling like this right now. I'm sorry. i'm just trying to rant this out. Cuz i know this is a lost war for me if i talk to someone about it. i keep getting the same response.. and i feel like everyone still drifts away after hearing it. this is a lost war. i give up. after this. i give up. i'll keep putting a smile on my face, and keep wishing for someone to come up and prove me wrong.

why?

...
it's like screaming but to nobody...
it's like shouting at someone.. without confronting them
it's like yelling and crying out every single problem without shedding a tear or making a sound.
ahahahah it's the only way i could ever be able to express myself without hurting anybody...
depressing yes.
but it's something i can easily stop
it's where i have control of being able to go back and fix a mistake.
it's where i can talk to people comfortably without having to get a retort back.
it's a place where i can unleash anything and i wouldn't be rebuked.
it's a way i can show myself in a different perspective... one that people don't know.
it's just another part of me.. that people can't understand... because it's too different for them to conceive.
this is just the me that nobody else's talked to before...

aFREAK

hmmm.... i've started blogging all over again... xD
ahahaha
i'm so... fucking pathetic. xD LMFAO
i really really want to move at the moment.
i really want to GET OUT OF HERE.
but it's just a small matter....
i'm just really... weird at the moment.
I don't know what i want... what i'm thinking... or anything.
it's just relaly ARLGHHGHHH!!
i wanna change myself... but it's not something that will happen over night.
damn it. ehhh
"I want to give up, I want to walk away. I want to forget everything I’ve ever known and start a new life.I want a life that’s worth living."
maybe that's what i want right now. not sure. :[

:) SLOW DANCE WITH A STRANGER

i wanna go somewhere where i don't know anyone...
maybe there i'll be able to be who i want to be..
without caring about what other people think of me.
I can act retarded.... and not get HARASSED about it
and I can act like how i WANT to... and what i REALLY wanna do
but only seem to be able to just replay it in my mind...
I WANNA BE FREEE
maybe a slow dance with a stranger or two.
you never know.
I wanna reach the sky...
I wanna touch the ocean floor.
I wanna make my dreams unravel
I wanna break the barrier between dreams and reality.
have a dance with Fireflies
my BIGGEST wish is to be able to make a difference....
Next year... I'm not running for any big thing anymore...
I've realized... the reason i've been put on this earth is to
make people feel better and help them along the way.
I want to HELP. but i'm so confused.
Do i want to be restricted... or do i want to be unconfined from others...
i want BOTH but i know it's impossible....

Slow dance with a stranger- Danger Radio

Heartbeat<3

Idk... just everything seems to be a blur nowadays...
i'm not sure who i'm CLOSE to anymore.
I know a couple people here and there... but i still feel like..
I'm not fitting in. :/
idk if this is normal or not. but i'm kinda sad. :/

Can you feel my Heart beat-beat-beat-beat-beating?-Hearbeat by Stereo Skyline