thinking too much on a freaking boring day :]

just cleaned my room. :]
ahahaha it feels a whole lot better...
my brother's a turd.
i had to take out the trash xP
lol
while i was cleaning though... i realized... i srsly have no life.. .HAHA. funny? not really.
what's so good about me?
smarts... and that's about it.
... nom nom nom...
ahahahahaha well not really.
but still ...
and how come i'm blabbering on and on ina blog instead of talking to anyone about it...?
cuz everyone else has other problems that they have... and would rather listen to other things than me blabbering on and on...
i mean come on. i would shoot myself if i was listening to myself and my problems... LOL
maybe i'm just PMSing and in a bad mood... but oh well.
ahahahahah yeahh... :]

but haven't you wondered what would have happened... if you didn't get into oxford.. or went to a new school? and what would happen in the future... what would happen? i get a headache just thinking about it. and at christa's birthday.
i wouldn't let myself believe it... but the sad truth is that they're right.
we're gonna split. someday, somehow.
the people that were at christa's birthday party... you guys prolly know what i'm talking out.
we're all gonna move on... and i would be surprised... if we ever recognize each other after high school.

ahahhaahah enough of my blabbering.. cya folks :]

<3

Yepp.. hi folks... couldnt fall asleep...
eating a midnight snack...
today was cold...
happy belated birthday mom! :]

nom nom nom

merry christmas! :]
happy wappy day.. kinda
:]
teeheehee :]
night guys :D

aughh

IM PISSED... SO MUCH!
this "friend" is using me... >:O
you know what?
you like the guy...
you talk it out with him!
I HATE it how you shove it in my face that you can get secrets out of him more efficiently than i can...
WELL i'm SORRY cuz i dont usually try to PRY out information from someone... who i havent called for like a YEAR!
I'm sorry i usually dont care about his life.. and how i tried to help you but instead, you say thats he's lying to me. Thanks. that makes me feel like SUCH a trusted friend to him. thanks A LOT.
You might think it's going all great for you. IT probably is. But what about me? i try helping you and it seems as if every wrong thing i do You hold it against me, as if i'm the selfish one for not doing what you tell me to do.
I JUST called him.... talked to him... no. scratch that. PRIED information from him and lied to him just to get you what you wanted... and what?
you didn't have to persuade? He trusts you? He tells you everything without you even asking?

oh yeah thanks a lot for making me feel like SHIT:
SHIT for doing that to such a close friend... i dont think i'll ever be able to have a clean conscience when i'm talking to him.
SHIT for actually doing what you told me to do... when i could've just said no and lose a friend that was just using me.
SHIT for actually listening to you talking shit about my FRIEND.
SHIT for listening to you judge someone just by how they LOOK.

you think of it just as a joke... but you have no idea what kind of mistake you made.
I don't care if you talk shit about me at all... go ahead... i'm going to stop helping. do it yourself. I dont want anything to do with this anymore...
AT ALL.

I feel so USED... it started out by helping because of good intentions and now I'm entangled in a mess that i shouldn't be part of.

I'm so sad... i'm crying...
this started out to be such a good day...
i guess it's no longer that happy another is it?

sorry...just for now...

I have a feeling something weird is going to happen...
:]
in a good way i hope.
I'm not going to blog for a little while...
one. cause i have no reason to...
two. i'm happy.
three. blehhh.. :]

i think i ****(it's not fuck...-_- for your information.) this one person...
So yeah :]
bye for now :D!!!
and if i forget to say it...
MERRY ALMOST CHRISTMAS!!!

currently... BLEHH

hahaha gonna go to sleep soon... xP
happy today... but i was sleepy the entire day LOL
cluster <3
FREAKING AWESOME PEEPS... LOVE THEM TO DEATH<3

Had no homework today... two days in a row... it's like HEAVEN. :]

i'm currently blehh...
Possibly jealous...
sometimes... angry...
most of the time... sad.
but it's all cool i think...
i've calmed down a bit :D

doodoodoodoodoo
dodo bird! :]

Dance Krew <3 was so much fun. xD
i felt like all my stress was flying away... i swear. i didn't care what anyone thought...
i just went up there and danced my little heart out :D
and i'm happy that i didn't chicken out :]

choir... FINALLY PASTA on a day where i'm not wearing WHITE :D
i seem to get my white pants dirty every time because of the wicked wicked pasta >:O

badabapbapba! i'm loving it :D

today was a slow going day... it was pretty good :]

I've read some anonymous bloggers...
I think the STOP AND STARE one is nice :] a great representative of anonymous bloggers. :]

the other two though... is that really necessary? :/
but to the people being targeted... DONT worry about it :]
they're just twisting your best qualities into something that sounds bad. :]
I'm the type of person who gets angry.. if I'm the one hurt by them. So until they insult me straightout... I'm not that angry at them... (sorry... that's the way i am... i do feel angry when my friends get insulted... but not to an extreme point like when i'm the one insulted)

If you guys do find out who they are...
I hope this doesn't get into a huge fight... :/
one. They're probably have low self esteem.
two. You know none of what they're saying is true... (or if it is true, it's not true in such a negative way if you know what i'm saying...)
three. we always talk about forgive and forget. challenge yourselves... FORGIVE and FORGET.
four. Bloggers blog about a family of 2012... let this be a challenge... make even your enemies of 2012 your family. STRIVE for the family we dream to get.
five. I don't like cussing and picking fights with people... do you?

i hope you guys read this... really really badly :]

good night folks :]

...:/

What if... I'm not the person you expect me to be...
what if... I'm what you call "a two-faced bitch"?
would you hate me? would you reprimand me?
it's inexplicable, but it's incontrovertible.
I'm not the same person I was before.
I thought I was showing my real self on the outside,
only to be whipped into reality that I'm not like that.
I'm a laggard... falling away into time.
Everything is encumbering me to become lower and lower.
I can't seem to traverse through time without being jealous,
hurt, and having the feeling that something's been taken from me.
I admit, there are times where I detract from other's happiness.
I feel destitute when I want to feel insuperable.
The impetus that emancipates me from all this regret and sorrow
just seems to be intermittent, it never works forever.
It feels as if it's obligatory for me to help others,
and like a vagabond, I feel as if I'm not welcomed completely in.
I wish for a visage, where everyone could read me like a book,
for a chance to see if they could ever relate to me.
Trying to wheedle my trust, I want to throw them away.
I want the sustenance that others receive so easily.
Without it, life seems torrid and impossible to go through.
In my dreams, they appear ubiquitous,
only to fail to enter my reality as well.
My zenith becomes my downfall.
Alluding to a whole other world,
I consecrate my actions to make such a world,
to disseminate hate, regret, and sorrow,
so that they cannot grow together
and tear this place and this heart apart.
I want to dote upon those who separate from others,
those who exhort the feckless, who implicate with dirty deeds.
Those who lament about the dying happiness
and are pensive about a new, clean world.
Don't let the hate subjugate,
don't let the trauma hold you back.
Don't be wanton but try to change within.

Strong....people :]

today i'm gonna START off with a quote. :]
"Even famous people break down.... but the strong people are the ones who bring themselves back up after breaking down."

Today i went to go watch twilight with my best freaking friend, Su, and her friend Lisa at the La Habra regal theatre. it was awesomely... :] we had starbucks...and pick up stix. we went over to Lisa's house... she had a cute kitty :] we just hung out... guitar hero... computer... pictures.. LOL.
twilight was ehh.. not bad... not really really good either... just i liked it is all :]

today was a pretty good day... until i got home. got sucky news... from a friend... not in a very good mood anymore. and i talked to Su on the phone.. i love her<3 i believe she's gonna be there for me whenever... wherever. she's in a band... and so she goes on tours to other states and concerts... and she's offered me to go to her concerts and tours with her... FOR FREE with backstage stuff and EVERYTHING. it's pretty cool. only thing is... school. that's the SUCKY part... but she said there might be a tour during the summer... soif i'm gone half the summer.. xP
you know where i am :D

I feel as if i can tell her ANYTHING... one reason why is cuz she doesnt know anyone at oxford... and i believe we won't tell each other's secrets. :]
.....
Now moving on... to more serious stuff... not that ^ isn't serious it is. :]

I'm seriously not going to care at all... the problems of those who backlash... who are indifferent towards me...

Life is getting too messed up.
"biters" WHO CARES? they prolly look up to you or they just want to try it out... don't freaking lash out at them. WHO freaking CARES?

"bitches" Everyone's a bitch. we bitch everyday... Drama... gossip... don't say you don't. cuz everyone does.

"whores" First of all, no one's ever DONE it... at least the people some people call "whores". second of all, that's just reading the cover and throwing the book away... do you even know what kind of people they are?

"Sluts" maybe they are sluts... but i think this term is just used to go BLAHHH U ARE SHITTT!!! to someone... that's just messed.

the jokes... are not jokes. They're not even funny anymore. they're just sick, perverted, and disgustingly VILE. You might think it's funny to make fun of someone that nobody likes. hell, even i don't like certain people... but i don't make jokes about them. some jokes are hilarious... but most aren't.

yeahh everyone... backstabs their friends at least once. EVERYONE. it's a sin, and it's intentional, No matter how much people HATE backstabbers. I backstab... others backstab. I swear... it's so messed up. I'm going to change myself... are you?

Don't kid yourself... there's so many intentional mistakes... don't lie to yourself so much that you think it's true. The most horrible things you do to a friend.... can all be intentional. It's horrifying... i know... but it's the truth. take it in... and apologize... :] even if the person has NO CLUE about it whatsoever... still give them a hug... and apologize. I can't go on a day with guilt for possibly making a friend sad... or pissed. Even if it isn't my fault, I'd apologize for even having this fight. I HATE fights. stop FIGHTING. i swear. you might think everything's going downhill and no one's there... but it's AFFECTING EVERYONE close to you and people who care for you.

I probably think that the person I'm talking to will EVER see this, but i think you made a HUGE mistake today. a HUGE mistake. "efforts aren't equal" then MAKE IT EQUAL. "better girls out there" HELL i swear you're only saying that BS to make things easier for yourself. I am not pissed at you for breaking it off... but i'm pissed at you for giving up so easily... i scorn you for letting it all go... no matter how big it was.... how special it was to you... i dislike... you for letting this pass by you... to not try. I swear... i tried so hard to keep you guys from falling apart... but it's done. you did it. you didn't even CONSIDER what he said about you being so close to your best friend, he was uncomfortable.. but you didn't even consider it and you just kept on being close. maybe i have no right to be talking like this... maybe i have no right at all to even say that you blew it. but i don't care anymore. you hurt yourself as well as him today. I feel as if you didn't even TRY. i feel as if it was all talk.... you NEVER talked to him...DIRECTLY... i swear you talk to your friends about the problem more than to him. maybe one of your friends will understand who you are... and show you this. I don't care if you hate me... or if your friends do. u KNOW how hard i tried to keep you guys together... you KNOW. Maybe i'm being selfish... my role models are now falling apart. I don't think... I understand what you're going through anymore.... I don't know you... my best friends are falling apart... think about it. How do you expect me to go on and pretend this isn't a big deal? I hope you read this... and when you do... i hope you call me... and i expect you to respond to this. I dont care if you lash out at me... if you say your sorry... i want an explanation. you might think i'm being harsh... but right now... i am SCARY... you hurt my best friends.... yourself and him. maybe i'm going on and on and on.... but right now... i'm in a fury... i DONT get it. i dont get you anymore. i dont get him for not hating you. and i dont get myself for even trying. that's all i have to say. I hope you rethink on what you did. I really really really hope you do.

thanksgiving

Was super awesome!
our family went over to jackee's house... SO MUCH FUNN!!!
we watched first sunday (LMFAO), played super smash bros., and then played hide and seek in the dark. me jackee denny (sp?) and mingue were having SO MUCH FUNN srsly :]
LOL so freaking hilarious.
hope everyone had a great thanksgiving :D

DUMMMMM....

GOAL: BE MUCH MORE HAPPIER WHOO HOOO!!! well i am happy.. just get HAPPIER xP
ahahaha

isaac tried to bite me after choir that was funnny xD

hannah and i were goofing off in choir.

francesca and i were PWNing at singing today :]

dancing in pe locker rooms after pe :] <3

poking and MISSION DS (deprived sex xD) with Nara during pe. xD LMFAO!

Finding out who's a fob and who's not at lexington with jenny when we're driving by lexington. :]

taking out the wrong game controller in health skit. xD LOL

there were SUCKY times during the day, but i'm looking at the sexy awesome moments :]

rainn <3

it's raining.. :]

Gobble freaking Gobble

Thanksgiving is coming up.
and i don't feel a bit of thanksgivingsfullness lately... sadly.
today was okay...
but it ended crappy PERIOD.
and for the same old problems.. -_-

but i've been wondering...
is it wrong of me... to easily get pissed off? or irritated by people?
is it wrong of me... whenever i feel icky ... to get all bitchy towards anybody who makes the wrong move at the wrong time? to get mad for no apparent reason? to ignore people?
everyone seems to be doing that... saying it's "that time of the month", says sorry and just brushes it off.
I guess maybe i am a hypocrite cuz there are times where i do do that.. but i don't get mad at people who don't do anything wrong at all, do i?
Maybe i'm wrong to be mad right now... wait. no. rather than mad, I'm hurt right now.
Even if it was unintentional of them... it still made me feel a sense of rejection and stuff...
But when i confide in some people, they tell me... those people don't even know why something's wrong... makes me feel a bit... mean... like i did something wrong. So now i'm unsure of myself...
am i just okay, it's right to feel that way... or am i retarded... a bitch...?
I am seriously not sure of myself anymore.. i feel as if i don't know myself... or my friends... i'm no longer confident of myself... at all.
I'll let it go. I'll say sorry first. Even though i don't feel a ting of guilt ( though i dont understand why), I'll say sorry first to take away this tight atmosphere.
I think the worst thing about a fight is not the fight itself... but the atmosphere between people after the fight. Was it really worth it? or is it what they deserved? I HATE that atmosphere and will do anything to remove it, even if it means for me to swallow my pride and apologize first even if i strongly thought they were at fault.
I am sorry to those people though.. cuz i think i just blew up on them because they were the last people to cause some type of stress...
EVERYONE has stress i know. i know everyone has problems too and have the most awesomely ways to cope with them. But i'm not EVERYONE. i'm imperfect. and i do imperfect things. I'll talk first... because i need to apologize first.... this is RIDICULOUS. this year is officially the most retardedest year i've had.... ever.

DUMM DUMM DUMMM

I am tired... and sick of this world... it's just really FRUSTRATING.
I hate how people fight and talk BS about each other.
I hate how friends even talk BS about each other. (which I wish I wouldn't have done... but everyone's a hypocrite... even if they deny it.)
I strongly dislike how people give advice...but don't follow their own advice.

I've seen a whole bunch of blog entries that say that our freshman year should be less of a battle field for us to claw at each other with rumors and etc. but instead, become a family like the older classes. I TOTALLY agree with them... 100%!
However, I think it has to start rather than with just words... but with action. Rather than writing it in a blog, where only followers can read it, said words are way stronger. Maybe it's because people don't want to be judged... or looked down on for talking out of place. Or maybe they do say it strongly but listeners only agree but don't take action. I think everyone is at fault here. There's always that one kid that we never want to hang out with. There's always that group that resemble "the nerds" and that name "nerd" is pounded onto them day after day after day by people who think it's okay to call them that. Sure they're smart... but I think many of them don't like being called that but they don't have the nerve to respond. I'm not saying EVERYONE that's called a nerd is like that... but sometimes being called a "nerd" isn't such a nice thing to hear to some people.
There's also that one group that only talks to themselves... the clique that would be considered "popular". People say they don't believe in cliques... and that there's no such thing as popular but no matter how much they deny it... there will always be cliques including the "popular" group... unless we make changes. Yeah... we have that one group of friends that are really close to us... but that doesn't mean we have to look down on or ignore everyone else.
There's always that one table where only those people can sit... and when you go up to them, they turn you away and start whispering to each other. i think people should THINK about who their actions might affect and if it's good or not.

There was this one time... where i went up to these people that i knew and i considered them friends. They just looked at me weird, told me that i wasn't welcome, and just kept on whispering to each other. I felt rejected, hurt, and lost.

I'm actually going to try and talk to everyone, become friends with everyone, even those people that are considered "weird and annoying." cuz everyone wants to fit in... everyone wants to have a true, genuine friend... and i wanna be that friend :]

my mistakes...my sins...my fault

I came back from a friday night service thing at church at around 10 45 ish...
I thought it would be awkward and weird... because let's just say i'm like a pariah at church...
I don't talk much... you could even say i'm the complete opposite of what i am at school even.
however, my jundo (preacher) was super nice... and older students who graduated came and they remembered me and said hi (one really nice older student totally SCREAMED my name and said hi... it was pretty funny). we had a guest pastor today... and he was REALLY hilarious... it was fun...
i got to talk to some people that i used to talk to in elementary... but i sorta drifted away... got quieter... through junior high at church...

The biggest thing i've noticed is that... I've become so secular and thought so much about what people would think of me... rather than my religion... when we live... i think that the most important thing is our beliefs... and I've totally thrown my belief away these past few years...
Now that I've thought a bit... now I don't care what people think of me.... If people think of me as a overly showing christian... go ahead... at least i'm now showing my beliefs and i'm not afraid to show it. i think i was thinking too hard on what people thought of me at school and at church... i didn't see the real reason to why i was born in the first place...

This totally feels like a epiphany or something... but then again... i think i've had this in my mind for a long time... i just didn't know what to do.

I've made lots of mistakes throughout my life and this week. I hope that people can forgive me for not being able to forgive them when they make a mistake. Everyone makes their own mistakes.... the thing that separates people is the people who forgive... and the people who bitch about it. I'll try my bestest to be the person who forgives... no matter how big it is.

I think... I can become a better person than I am now...I've been pretty depressed this week... I admit... but now since I've overcomed my downs..... i think I can improve and thrive for my God and to show my faith... openly... without any regret of showing it... or feeling shame at all.
I now know what the real purpose of my life is... and it feels good :]

sadlyy....

today was boring... stayed home ALL DAY...
doing NOTHING
but IDK
what i did
xD
but i have immense energy vibe going on.... so idk how to release it all D:
DUN DUNN DUNNNNNN

bumm...err... yepp

YAY!! finished homework before 12 xD
12 hours to party.
12 hours of sleep yesterday
i'm in love <30<3
xD
right now...
i'm brainstorming...
have to write stories for andrea lol/...
i'm taking so long
xD
english project...blehh gonna do that at night :D
LOL
i have hours to kill... :D
gonna prolly go to barnes and noble and read... yes yes... i'm a freaking nerd dumbasses.
oh well :D and and and prolly gonna just dance to the radio and stuff WOOHOO!!
funn funnn...
today will be my non contact with a lot of people day... :] or i'm gonna try not to today...
which i have been doing for the past three days i think...
i sometimes went on aim, barely went on myspace....
O_O
woahhhh.... i'm WEIRD.
xD
lol
yeahhh.... imma go now bye dudes

QUOTE: "You got time in your hands, USE IT."

pushh ittt :] xD

ahahahah i just published it without even typing anything WHOOPS! :D
LOL
so yeahh today was a good day
but i pulled a neck muscle and now it hurts to look down or right
it's slightly better....but still hurts O_O

oh well yeahhh
anyone who reads this...
tomorrow
is emily's LAST DAY
make it the happiest day for her plz
instead of the most depressing.
it's the best we can offer her.
and the best thing is to just live with it, hope that she loves it at savannah and just keep in touch with her.
cuz we're not gonna be able to reverse her decision...
it's her choice... respect it.
don't get mad.
don't be bitchen.
just LIVE WITH IT.
she's not leaving oxford entirely.
we're still gonna see her, talk to her, be friends with her, love her.
:]
that's all i gotta say :]

Plant incest in bio and sucking up in PE

"I don't care if I'm a guilty pleasure for you..."
I am officially obsessed with Cobra Starship right now.
I know I'm a bit behind in my music taste...the main singer got something wrong with his vocal chords or throat or something :/
but OH well...still love the songs right now :DDD

Today was okay I guess...
better than most days :]
I'm doing the english poet research project....
Sharon Olds...
her poems are just very...WOAHHH
xD
she talks about sex and her abusive alcoholic father, her mother, her family... lots of stuff...
but her stuff are pretty cool once it's NOT corrupted...:/

LOL
gotta go back to workk :]

QUOTE: "Lift yourself up at a time of down."

grrr.

grrrr
hate HIGHER (aka P-a-r-e-n-t-s) SO MUCH !!!!
xP
who cares what i do on the internet...
"stop iming...stop myspaceing...stop interneting"
XP
still doing it HAHA !!!!
>:O
GRRRR
parents get mad for the smallest reasons...
DISLIKE THEM STRONGLY RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

Today was cool.
I liked today :]
ahahaha
MUAH!
go to MORP...and FAVELA RISING :]
they're both cool :] MUCHO COOL :]

:]

...right now...
my antidote.
is a disney movie marathon...or tim burton either way...
:]
if only i had time. can't wait until christmas vacation;/ even if it's a long time away...:]
would anyone like to join me if i get a chance to actually do this marathon?

Today sucked crap.
I hate life right now.
Tomorrow prolly will be better.
I hate right now.
I am this close to shooting myself.
(i have no gun...i meant finger gun xD)
I HATE everything to do with life right now...
life is SICKENING right now.
but still... i'm okay with it. :]
just different perspective on life now than from seventh grade.
seventh grade = LOVE.
eighth grade= LIKE
ninth grade currently= DISKLIKE STRONGLY but hoping it will get better. :]

and no it's not because of homework.... it's just because idk... really
it's just this thing i get...
like I'm missing out on something...and I don't know what it is...
and it's something that's lifechanging...
:/
yeahh it's pretty saddening :/

you can't help but look.

I wondered how this world could be so wrong.
I never knew the hate could get this strong.
How could this have happened to friends?
What made humans turn into fiends?
I ain't got guns, I ain't got swords.
I ain't got nothing, nothing but words.

I'm getting angry and I can't handle it.
Not only the world, but life as it is is shit.
Friends bullshitting
Children involved in shooting
What the hell, what the hell?
what the hell is wrong with this world?

We hold our enemies close
and our friends far.
Our dreams fly out the door,
leaving us with nothing more,
nothing more than just prison bars.

But maybe there's a chance,
bring everything back to balance.
We got hope, we got soul.
We got strength. We got voice.
We got everything we need,
all WE just need...
Just need ACTION.

poem made by yours truly <3
THINK on it :]

wondering ... ://

I have the awesomest friends in the whole wide world. :]
but there's some people (not stated)... that seem to be using me as last reference or only talked to just for homework, or work in general. Fuck you people.
next time, i'm going to say NO.
it's one thing to be a friend and help you guys out... but just treating me as a walking talking dictionary, talking to me only for homework, when all your other friends don't want to hang or something....not cool.
maybe most likely people just look at me as the nerd. you know what? think whatever the fuck you like, shove it up your ass, and i won't have to think about it at all.
this seriously isn't to all the people who asked me for help. Most of the time I'm just fine with helping. It's cool by me. But dude... how would you feel if the only times i ever talked to you was just to find out how to say something in spanish...or homework? also, there's a thing called ASKING, not TAKING something inaudibly and just using my work. THERE's A HUGE DIFFERENCE.
I'm not angry at those people... i'm just gonna forget that ever happened.
There's a point where people break...and i'm near it.
Push the limit and i will get full out pissed.

maybe it's cuz i don't show when there's a limit. let's change that.
Next time i don't feel like helping...i won't help.
that's what MOST people do, so i should too.
It's fucking messed up when people just use to for their advantage whenever they need you and just throw you away the next second as soon as they're finished.
It's pretty pathetic. i think if that's how it is, i seriously have to find out whether or not my friends are really truly my genuine friends. i know some for sure though :].

-reminder: this was just a thought that popped into my head today cuz i've been told by more than one person that i was a pushover. well...that's going to change BIG TIME :]-

walk for hope

so yesterday...WAS the most inspiring day i had since a long time ago. Walk for hope opened up my mind to all the corruption and hate we have in this society. I've been living in almost a heaven compared to these people dying and barely hanging onto life. There are still even SLAVES in the US to this day. Though this was a day for me to bond and become closer with friends, I couldn't help but feel PATHETIC for not even being aware of this and trying to help.
Many of my friends are talking about being a doctor or a lawyer or some high paying job. I have been unsure of what i've wanted to become as an adult. but i've decided to at least go to one of these third-world countries or even in the US where people are living in poverty and do the best i can to try and help them out. I want to learn and go towards the health direction and become a teacher as well...and then go to africa, brazil, or somewhere where children lack education and help them :]

idk...,maybe i'm thinking way too ahead... But i feel like i found something that i can use my entire life for. most of the times i'm thinking...why the hell am i being such a nerd...do i truly need all this stuff? but i think that helping these people learn and go from rock bottom to one of the most influential people in our society is one of the miracles i want to see and make happen in my lifetime :]

LOL
now going on... :]
today's a good day...i liked it...
except for homework :/
not so good.
everything's wayy better now...
i talk to my friends..i think...
i'm not that stressed anymore...
everything is CHILL ;]
:]
byee dudes :]
BTW OMGAHH!!!
dude like last time i checked i had four followers...now i have like seven...freaking WHABAMM!! lol :]
ahahaha

What's on my mind...

well...i don't know.
i'm feeling a whole lot better today...
yesterday's stress is ALL GONE....well i'm trying my best to make it all gone...so i think that's all that counts :]

now...i don't really care, but in a good way. I think i was being too clingy. If they don't want to talk...oh well that's too bad. but at least i have other friends to talk to. They're still my best friends...but i've figured out...that sometimes...some distance...is a good thing :]

i've noticed...that chatting really makes me procrastinate a lot xD
LOL
oh well... at least i finish my homework...

and on yahoo, i saw this thing about 10 bad things that come out of lack of sleep (which is less than 7-8 hours of sleep).
and now i am very worried.
i sleep at around 1 or 2 or even 3 and wake up at 7, which is around...4-6 hours every day....
I have SLEEPING DISORDER
oh my gahh...
i also read this report about ADHD or something like that....
i hope i don't have that O_O
but that would explain the excessive amount of energy i have even though i sleep really late.

i srsly have ADD and am bipolar. O_O
i started out the day crappy and bitchy...now i feel hyper and happy again....all in a day's work :D

I finished pe homework....in 5-10 minutes....SCORE!!!

need to start on biology...well i did the crossword a bit...i always mess it up LOL
xD

....I cannot find my white out D:

I think from now on i shall put a quote that either i found or i make up at that time to describe my mood...in every entry...that would be cool...if i remember LOL.
:]
yepp that's it for now :D



QUOTE: "NEVER separate a nerd from her homework...they HYPERVENTILATE, then they SHRIVEL UP AND DIE!!!!"

interesting stuff i've figured

1. drama isn't a necessity but it just happens because people want it to happen, no matter how many times they say they HATE drama

2. Friends...can drift away...it's completely normal. No classes with them: simple. ditch'em. that's the vibe i've been getting

3. Friends are important....only if they feel and act on the need to stay friends with you. Stop trying to keep on starting a conversation with people who never start a conversation with you. Why even bother? if they have nothing to say...why even bother talking to them?

4. Best friends aren't those...that drift away like other friends.......they're the ones that cause the traffic staying right next to you when others are moving away.

5. I'm not even going to bother labeling whether someone's popular or not. WHO CARES? If you think you're popular, GREAT i'm happy for you.
If you think you're lacking popularity, WHO CARES...at least you have your friends:]

6. Even the closest friends...can NOT be there when you really need them...

7. People like talking about themselves...result: some people get to talk about their problems...others don't have the chance even if they wanted to....making it BUILD up....and then BREAK DOWN.

8. LIFE is a bitch....just when you think you're in the happiest place on earth, it stabs you in the back.

9. maybe i'm overreacting when i say I HATE MY LIFE...right now :/

10. Everything's retarded....very retarded :]

ahahahaha random thoughts

today wasn't the best of days...but i got through with it...
still have bunch of hw to do...
wait til later though...
:]

random thought #1: my backpack...seems to always be the one that Haley just has to slap..."BACKPACK SLAPPER!!"

random thought #2: my pjs.....have polar bears on them.... O____O

random thought #3: i have become a whole lot more....doubtful...or would that be the correct term...idk?

random thought #4: heard from a friend that i got hotter over summer....that true? O_O

random thought #5: starting to get easily stressed and pissed off....i don't show it...but yeahh....:/

random thought #6: i don't talk to my friends that much anymore...i feel saddened... :/

random thought #7: i have a really bad habit of biting my nails... D:

random thought #8: Guys....are queer...very weird....and confusing...O_O

random thought #9: i freaking dislike many things now...

random thought #10: tomorrow....pe....stress reliever :]

RALLY!

It was pretty fun man!!!
DUDE....but then it was like half of freshmen class SCREAMING our heads off (WHOO!!!) and the other half...deaf or dead or something (grrr...) I have only one message for those who didn't show their school spirit: It's more embarrassing to NOT scream at a rally than to scream out like crazy.

Day wasn't so bad...just tired was all...xD
well g2g :]

piss offs...:/

Today....was NOT the best of days. First of all... I had gone to sleep at 2 thinking I could sleep until 8, but I woke up at six thirty and went to school by 7 for an FCC meeting, finding only Dipali, Angie, and Shawn and a few other people not in FCC there. #1 piss off.
Classes weren't so bad...bio and health hw...spanish test tomorrow... the normal jig. Then Mr. Hogan says D+ C- for class participation grade. FOR his INFO...i was half screaming in his ear... it's not my fault he tried to make us perfect something hard like that in two minutes. #2 piss off.
Good thing about today...#1. is dance class...it was pretty funn... :] then I went straight to tennis... no one was doing anything...just drills and stuff...
i think lots of people were just pissing me off...
then my mom yells at me for falling asleep...after my dad said i could sleep for a bit...
i mean like WTFFF?? contradicting parents
#3 piss off.
well...those were my piss-offs for the day...let's just say i'm looking forward to tomorrow being whole lot better...

DRAMA. DRAMA. DRAMA.

What a weird day.
I have no idea why something's could become so freaking complicated.
and I finally found out how scary drama can really be.

With drama, friends start fighting the same day they had started out having fun and stuff. They get mislead and angry for no apparent or real reason. Everything gets messed up and nothing's goes right.

Though I think there aren't rumors about me at school, there are probably tons of them that I don't even know about. I guess that's the scary part of high school. Like I'm not in a particular drama yet, but I've seen a lot of stuff just from the side and it's freaking scary. You think it won't affect you or nothing like that would ever happen to you. But someday it could ram into you like a huge ten ton truck and you'll just feel the hit full on. Drama is not something that has to happen. It's something that a person makes and can take away. I think people do hate drama, but without drama, they get bored, so sometimes they thrive to make drama. I'm not pointing any fingers, I swear to God, but it just seems like that to me.

Well, apart from drama, there's this fear I have. I don't have that many fears I think, but one of them is making a mistake or angering a person. I hate being the person who another person is angry at. I can't stand it. I can't tell the difference from a fake angry to genuine anger. When people get or seem angry, I tend to cringe and want to avoid talking. When friends start fighting, I tend to become speechless and sometimes stressed and angered that they would mess up their friendship just because of one little mistake. I also hate being the one who makes a person feel even worse or bother or annoy someone. It's just a phobia that something I do might offend someone. If I'm too loud and someone tells me to shut up angrily, I feel hurt even if I know they're mad at something or someone else.

AUGH! my parents are freaking messed up. I'm just minding my own business and writing and all of a sudden they just come and comment about my blog. There's a little something called FREAKING PRIVACY! Just because in Korea, they showed their journals to their parents doesn't mean they get to look at my blogs...my thoughts...what I feel like saying. It's freaking messed...I mind my own business...like I know they worry about me and stuff but this is my way of venting out and they're reading it. So this is just freaking AUGH at the moment. I sound like I'm PMSing, I apologize.

I have a whole bunch of thoughts and probably a lot of you guys probably think, "oh. this doesn't sound like the soojee i know." and you're right. I have a lot of say that I don't say at all. Because when other people are sad, I don't want to burden them even more. I like my calm life without any drama that I know of. I like being bored rather than being stressed with social and emotional disasters. I don't act though. I'm hyper and happy when I am. I'm sad and angry other times. It's just that I'm just good at containing it...Most of the time. I don't like staying angry or sad...it takes too much energy...so i try to be happy and try to make sad depressing situations happier. But sometimes it seems as if some people who are sad or angry want to stay that way. It's just really frustrating. Sometimes I want to help. Sometimes I just want to leave them be...rotting because they always seem as if everything is messed up and disastrous.

On a lighter tone, I'm sorry for starting out with such a negative first blog, but I needed the venting.
We won against Crean Lutheran...again...for the second time. We have two more games against them O_O what the heckk.... xD
We ended at freaking 4:00 and we got to school at 4:40...the freaking earliest we've ever finished a game!!! :D

I'm going to go watch a movie with Ivy tomorrow...Nick and Norah's infinite playlist or something like that... :] I wanted to go with other people too...but I think it's better to go with a small amount of people instead of a huge group. :]

I think I'm gonna post a lot of vents on this blog...and some happier ones as well...so bare with me and I hope your view of me as a good friend doesn't change. I won't point fingers at anyone. Sometimes my vents are gonna be about movies and story plots that might actually happen in real life that really piss me off...so not all of the stuff I write is gonna be about real life situations with real people that I know.

Once again, since I'm kinda new at this blog stuff..help me out and I'll talk to you folks later :]

first blog

LOL so hi people... umm yeahh... never did this before...might come in handy so i was like "what the hell!" and just made one :] LMFAO
so...yeahh...if you guys know how to do some stuff on blogs tell me...
cuz im slow and i dont know what these are actually for so yeahh :] thanks dudes :D